Nothing gold can stay
by kitsun3kidd
Summary: Allen isn't dead, I thought frantically, breathing becoming strained, he isn't dead. He can't be. Laven.
1. I love you

**He won't come back **

**A/N:** Okay, so I just made this up at a whim. This is the most random thing I've ever written, trust me. I'm usually not that psycho. Lavi goes a bit berserk after Allen dies from an huge akuma/Noah attack…dark Laven. Maybe slight Yullen, but who knows?

**Disclaimer:** Is this even nesseccary?

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"Allen!" I yelled out hoarsely, knowing that no one would answer. One brilliant green eye darting around frantically, I tried to locate the white-haired boy. _He's somewhere around here_, I thought as my fingers traced upon three large scratch marks on a nearby metal pole. Something sticky touched my hand, and I looked at the dark-red substance in dread. _Blood… _There was a trail leading out towards the centre of the building.

Without hesitating, I followed the sticky trail. Quite vaguely I could hear Lenalee shouting behind me, "Lavi, wait!" within a few seconds she was running right beside me, after activating her Innocence. "Be careful," she said, her left side of her face matted with blood. It made me remember that I, too, had my own injuries to worry about. As if on cue, I stumbled for a moment, clutching my bloody side gingerly.

Lenalee reached out for me in concern, but I shrugged her off, "We're finding Allen first." Biting her lower lip, eyes cautious, she nodded and merely helped me stand up straight. It became increasingly difficult to run now, and unfortunately for me, I didn't have any kind of Innocence that could help me.

"Where are you two going?" came a familiar and hostile voice, and Lenalee looked behind her, surprised to see Kanda running to catch up with us.

"Finding Allen," I said.

His eyes widened slightly, "The bean sprout isn't with you?"

My chest tightened uncomfortably, "He…he was supposed to be, but…"

"Let's find Allen-kun first, okay?" said Lenalee, her green eyes imploring, but Kanda and I didn't need any motivation to keep running to find our friend. Further and further we went, signs of battle and struggle becoming apparent. There was even more blood on the floor, now, the trail thicker in some spots; perhaps whoever that was bleeding had paused many times…My fists clenched at the possibility of it being Allen. It couldn't be him.

When we finally reached the centre, I looked around, searching for Allen. "Allen!" I yelled, tasting blood in my mouth. It must've been around the fiftieth time since I've yelled out that name. "Allen!"

A small, strangled cry was heard. "That must be Allen-kun!" Lenalee ran toward the direction of the sound, Kanda and I following suit. I spotted a huge pile of rubble, probably caused by the akuma, with a too horrifyingly-familiar white gloved hand sticking out from under it.

"Allen!" Lenalee and I yelled simultaneously, hands already digging through the rubble. Kanda helped me heave up the huge pieces of stone. When I managed to squeeze out the last of my energy into lifting a huge piece of marble, Lenalee pulled out Allen from underneath. Just the mere sight of him almost made me drop it. Nearly every inch of his skin was covered in bruises and scratches, his arm was bent in a strange way, and a shockingly deep gash was visible on his torso.

The white-haired boy coughed raggedly, his clothes in disarray, and opened his pale silver eyes, "L-Lavi…and Kanda and Lenalee…" his voice was hardly above a whisper, and he coughed again, this time blood coming out.

I clenched his hand desperately, my voice cracking, "Don't waste your energy talking right now, Allen….We'll get you help soon. Just hold on. Please." I bit my lip to stop it from trembling, and tears were streaming down Lenalee's face while she struggled not to let out a sob. Kanda looked away, though I could've sworn I saw something glint in the light there.

He merely smiled, not a sad one, but one of genuine happiness. No, no, why is he smiling like that? I clenched onto his hand even more tightly. Only people at the verge of death would smile like that…No, he was just trying to reassure us…Just… Even my thoughts broke off as my mask of calmness slowly melted into one of sorrow. Hot tears stung the cuts on my face as they slid down my cheek, and I struggled to keep my voice steady. "Allen, it's going to be alright."

"Damn bean sprout," said Kanda, trying to look scornful, "we're all getting out of here. Alive," he added, and Lenalee nodded, wiping her tears off with her torn-up sleeve.

Allen shook his head slightly, his breath coming out in shallow pants. "Thank you…all of you," he said, wincing at the effort to breathe, let alone speak.

"Don't strain yourself," I said softly.

"And Lavi…" Allen's voice trailed off, coughing out bits of blood. Kanda and Lenalee reached out in alarm, while I held him closer to myself. Grimacing, his pale lips struggled to curve into another smile, but this time his words came out silent. Even without years of Bookman lip-reading training, I could tell what he was saying-

_I love you._

-my façade broke down completely when he reached up a gloved hand to caress my face. It was soft, so gentle, it made my chest almost explode with pain. His eyes slowly drooped until fully closed, and his arm fell down, lying limp on the ground. His heaving chest eventually slowed down, and then…

It stopped. My blood froze, and I continued to stare at Allen's childish face. Gone were the life and happiness that used to be contained inside it. His mouth was still curved slightly upwards, indicating what he had done in his last few moments. _Wake up, wake up! _My mind screamed, as if that would bring Allen back to life. We all sat stone-still, not saying a word, hardly breathing.

"He…h-he's gone…Lenalee half sobbed as she spoke.

Those words struck a cord in me. In a bad way. "A-Allen…?" I asked softly, shaking the still body in my arms. "Wake up, Allen…we'll take you to the infirmary and everything will be fine…" Lenalee hiccupped beside me. I shook the small body again, but there was no reaction. I could almost imagine him reopening those silver eyes, smiling like he didn't have a care in the world, and I would embrace him, feeling his warm body against mine, lips brushing against one another…

Kanda coughed into his fist, his black eyes nearly covered by his long hair, interrupting my reverie, "We have to get out of here before any more akuma…show up," he'd stopped himself from saying "Noah", but I knew more than well who had killed Allen. The person who killed the person that mattered to me most in my life.

Head hung low, I slowly stood up, holding Allen's body in my arms. It was frail and light; I never realized how delicate it could've been. He always put up such a brave front, one that made him look virtually indestructible.

But it was all a façade. All a complete lie. Never before had I realized how easily a life was lost and how much it could hurt you; in this akuma and Exorcist war, someone dying seemed quite normal. Now I knew how those akuma victims felt, when their loved ones died, when they felt like there was nothing else to live for, when they felt that overwhelming sense of sorrow and loss.

My legs moved forward automatically, only concentrating on following Kanda and Lenalee in front of me. I wanted to see Allen alive again, even if it was just one last time…Just one more time…

We went back the way we came from, the blood trail on the ground a dark black color from the darkening sky. The sun disappeared below the trees in the area, as if swallowed up. Waiting outside were the other Exorcists, Miranda, Crowley, Mari, Chaoji, Gramps, and even the four generals, Sokaro, Cloud Nine, Tiedoll, and most surprisingly, Cross Marian.

Miranda, who was slumped onto the ground, face tear-streaked, ran over to us, momentary relief on her face. But it didn't last long. When she caught sight of Allen's dead body, her lips formed a small "o" of surprise, as if the shock didn't register at the moment.

When it did, Miranda broke into a heap of sobs. This time, Lenalee didn't hold back , and Kanda merely muttered a few words, trying to calm the two women down. "Lavi…" Crowley took one glance at Allen's body and realized it at once. His eyes filled with tears, lower lip trembling. Even Cross walked up to Allen, his face solemn.

"So the brat is dead," he said, clearing his voice. I looked up in fury, about to snap at the red-haired general, until I realized that there was a single tear sliding down his face. "Stupid idiot, why doesn't he ever listen to me?" Cross ran a hand through his apprentice's hair, and just then I realized how deep the connection between master and apprentice went.

"I'm…sorry," both Tiedoll and Cloud Nine bowed their heads deeply to Allen, paying their respects.

Before I realized it, Gramps walked up to me, his face solemn, though it usually was like that. I looked away, unable to speak to him at the moment. He was just going to lecture me about how this was a lesson as to why Bookmen weren't supposed to love or feel anything…And that love in general will just hurt you later on, because nothing ever stays around forever.

But instead, he laid a comforting hand on my arm, since he was too short to reach any higher than that, and didn't say anything. _How did he know…? _But my mind came up blank. I didn't feel like thinking anymore, and I just wanted everything to be over with. It wasn't fair that things had to turn out this way…Sure, Allen had the whole parasitic arm that took off years off his life span, but it didn't have to just end like that.

The worst part is that I'll never get to tell him. He decided to tell me at the last moment, right before he died--before he left in my arms, and he'd never know what I was going to say.

_I love you, too, Allen._

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**A/N:** So, how was it? Good? Bad? Whatever? Put it in a review, maybe? I suck at sad writing, and I'm very corny/cliche when it comes to things like that. :c

Oh, and by the way...This isn't a one-shot, so there'll be some other chapters ahead~


	2. He won't come back

**~Nothing gold can stay~**

**A/N:** I had so many problems with this chapter...because it's in Kanda's point of view, and whenever something's in Kanda's point of view, it's usually painfully sarcastic and negative. This chapter is, like...I dunno. But yeah...took me much longer to type than the first one ;_;

**Disclaimer:** ...-too lazy to type-

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**Chapter two**

Sob, moan, cry, weep…Che. Whatever they use these days to describe endless mourning over a fucking _dead body_. Everyone's been affected, sure, but they need get a hold of themselves. I don't give a damn about that stupid bean sprout's death--

I took a deep breath.

…Okay, maybe a little bit. My fists clenched and unclenched as I strided down the hallway, with no particular destination in mind. Nearby Finders and Exorcists kept their distance away from me. Good idea, too, since I would've probably snapped at them otherwise. Most of them didn't even bother, though. Just because that bean sprout fucking died--

Another deep breath.

I've got to stop doing this.

"Oh, hello, Kanda-kun," Lenalee suddenly greeted me from behind, and I turned around, a bit disturbed at her appearance. Her eyes, all red and swollen, were still slightly teary, and her face was much paler than usual. Even her beautiful--according to Komui's factual opinion--black hair had lost its usual luster.

My fists balled up angrily, and I gritted my teeth together. What didn't these idiots understand? If you kept on grieving, then you'll never get better. They can call me a cold-hearted bastard if they want to, but it's true. "Move on with your life, dammit!" was what I wanted to say, but I knew that'd only cause Lenalee to feel even worse than already (plus, having your name on Komui's death list wasn't exactly the best thing in the world).

"…Hello, Lenalee," I said stiffly.

She sniffed, wiping her eyes, "H-have you seen Lavi?" Lenalee must've been crying all night. That might've explained the horrid condition of her eyes. If she was like this, then I seriously did not want to see Miranda; that lady was weepy even normally…

"No, I haven't seen him," I replied, turning my heel, about to walk away, until Lenalee spoke up again timidly.

"…Kanda, can you speak to Lavi, please? He really seems…down," she said, twiddling her fingers. My eyes narrowed at the action. Knowing Lenalee for many years, I would've recognized her little habits that revealed her feelings.

She was nervous about something. "Why do you want me to find that baka usagi?"

Not looking at me in the eye, her face looked even sadder, if possible, "Can you just speak to him… Please? He…he trusts you more than he trusts me." Again, she twiddled her fingers. Why would that idiotic redhead trust me more than Lenalee?

"Che," I scoffed, stuffing my hands in my jacket pockets, though when I saw that still-sensitive look of Lenalee's, I gave in and said a bit more gently, "fine, fine, I'll go look for him. Do you have any idea where he is?"

Brightening up a little bit (and hell, she needed it), Lenalee looked thoughtful for a moment, "Well, I heard that he was outside, training… Maybe you could look for him at the training grounds?" Normally that idiot would've been in the library doing some Bookman training of some sort, but whatever. The training grounds were closer to where I am right now anyway.

"Fine," I shrugged, and started my way to find the baka usagi. What was strange was that he seemed to be hurt the most out of this entire shitload of problems. If anything, he was worse off than Lenalee… Wait, scratch that. Worse off than Lenalee and the _entire_Order put together. Yeah, that idiot was definitely affected the most, though the reason as to why… I couldn't even begin to imagine.

Outside, it was cloudy and grey, well-fitting the mood of the rest of the Order. Of course, it usually was cloudy outside anyway, so I really couldn't see much of a difference…Except that having everyone in a depressed mood just emphasizes on the gloomy weather.

"Oi, baka usagi!" I called out, looking around the clearing. Che. He wasn't here, after all…

That is, until I heard faint mutterings.

Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, I followed the sound, hand edging toward Mugen, just in case if that thing was a threat. I pushed through a couple of bushes and trees until I caught sight of that familiar flaming-red hair, and that giant hammer beside him was easily recognizable.

But his demeanor wasn't even him anymore. "…Lavi…?" I said quietly, not even calling him by that usual name I gave him. Slowly, he turned around, and I flinched slightly. His normaly brilliant green eye was now left of emotion, only giving off a dull green color. Something cold landed on my cheek, and I looked up, not quite surprised to see it starting to rain. Thunder roared in the distance.

"Hello, Allen," Lavi said, and I turned to look behind me. For some reason, there was this huge, empty feeling inside me when I didn't see that little bean sprout behind me.

"Lavi, Allen's not here," I said. More cold drops fell, and some landed on the back of my neck, making me shiver slightly, though that may not have been the only reason.

"What are you talking about, Allen?" the redhead laughed, and I couldn't help but take a step backwards. Lavi's laughter didn't even sound like a laugh anymore; it was something more sinister.

Che. What was I thinking? Whatever he's doing, Lavi is still Lavi. He can't be anything else. The thunder was becoming more pronounced, now."Lavi, Allen's…dead," I swallowed, my throat feeling dry, "We have to get back in now; it's starting to rain." That was kind of an understatement. It was actually pouring right now, so much that I could hardly see ten feet away.

Water in my boots sloshed around as I walked towards Lavi, who was still sitting on the ground, a strange, dreamy look on his face. "Lavi!" I yelled at him, grabbing his arm roughly. I tired of this grieving, this mourning for the damn bean sprout. And I had expected Lavi to be one of the strongest about it. Turns out I was dead wrong. "Allen's dead, and there's no bringing him back!" I snarled, temper rising, "there was nothing you could've done about it, so don't go around moping all the time!"

Lavi took these words like a slap in the face, and then his cheeks flushed, the dreamy look on his face disappearing, "How could you say that?!" he stood up indignantly, and it was then that I realized that he was about a couple inches taller than me. "I bet you don't even care about Allen! You never did, since you've always hated him!" Now inches away from me, he growled, "You probably _wanted_ him to die." His voice was almost dripping with bitterness.

My already-rising temper rose up ten notches. Yelling back, I glared right back at Lavi, "Don't talk about things you don't know! How would you know if I cared or not? What matters is that I'm actually trying to move on, unlike everyone else, who are just grieving for someone that's _already fucking dead_!" I pronounced the last three words with so much venom, that Lavi took a step back from me.

"…You're horrible, Kanda," and I flinched as Lavi didn't even call me by my first name. "I hate you."

Che. So he hated me now, huh? I scoffed, "frankly, I don't give a damn. But what I want to know is why you're being like this all the time. I saw you the other day muttering to yourself, as if talking to Allen. He's dead. _Gone_."

There was a tense silence, and then Lavi said in a hoarse voice, "He won't come back, will he?"

I looked away, not wanting to see his expression. Then, without warning, he fell onto his knees, his chest heaving with dry sobs. His hands clenched at the ground, knuckles turning white at the effort. It poured harder outside, the thunder almost shaking the ground. I shut my eyes tightly, the grief I've held in all this time leaking out bit by bit.

"…No, he won't come back."

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**A/N:** Ahah...not as sad as the last chapter...and I don't really like this one much o.O Review, please? Guilt makes me update faster 8D


	3. Gluttony

**~Nothing gold can stay~**

**A/N:** Well......err, I have no idea what's wrong with me...I'm so freaking losing inspiration for this fic...and yeah...I'm sad. I can't do this righ ;___;

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**Chapter three: Gluttony **

"_Lavi!" a short, white-haired boy called out, a smile on his face. In his arms were mountainous piles of food. People walking by in the cafeteria stared at it, wondering how Allen was able to stuff himself with so much food in one meal. _

_Red-haired and aloof as usual, Lavi grinned, "hey, Allen," bending over slightly to speak to his friend (due to their height differences), "ne, how do you manage to eat all of that?" _

_Pouting, Allen huffed, "Don't blame me! It comes from being a parasitic type, y'know…" Setting down the dishes on a random table, he clasped his hands together, grabbing the nearest platter of food. _

"_Honestly, Allen, you're such a glutton…" Lavi laughed as he took a seat beside Allen, watching the younger boy eat ravenously, even though it'd been merely a couple hours since they last ate._

It'd been about three days since he'd gone. Three. I counted. I was able to keep count, even in the seclusion of my room. Everyone'd give me these pitiful looks whenever I walked down the hallway, but they didn't even know half of it. It started to piss me off after a while, and it made me do…stupid things.

I tilted my head back until it touched the wall, and I sighed deeply. Lenalee probably hated me now.

-----

I sat at the cafeteria table, picking at my spaghetti, watching the sauce-covered meatball roll around slowly. When I stabbed it with my fork and put it into my mouth, I grimaced, chewing it quickly and forcing it down my throat. Everything tasted bad, now. Even the things I used to like just tasted like wet rubber in my mouth.

Gulping down the whole cup of water, I felt a light tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, I realized that it was Kanda and Lenalee. "Oh, it's you two," I said dully.

"Che. I told you he'd react like this," said Kanda scornfully, trying to sit as far away from me as possible, evidently annoyed at me. Well, he's the one that yelled at me the other day, anyway…Things have become a little complicated between me and him.

Lenalee brushed a strand of hair from her face, sitting down beside me. Her eyes were still slightly red, though compared with how she was a couple days before, she was definitely better. "Lavi…I know that we all feel…This is difficult to cope with." Her words practically dripped with pity, and my fists clenched around my fork.

"It's okay, Lenalee," I said, voice strained in order to keep the anger out of it.

"No, really, Lavi," she said, her eyes pleading, "we're all hurt by this, and-" I'd reached my limit.

"Will you quit your jabbering?" I growled, blood rushing to my head. "Don't you ever shut up? Maybe this is your way of comforting people, by annoying them, but sure as hell it's not working with me! You have no fucking idea what I had to deal with, so don't start yapping away like you do!"

Everyone in the cafeteria was now staring at us. Sniffing, Lenalee's soft brown eyes widened in dismay, shimmering with tears. She bit her lower lip, which was starting to tremble terribly. Kanda stood up, slamming his hands down onto the table. "You fucking idiot! Apologize to her right now!" the Japanese Exorcist yelled.

There was a whole load of things I wanted to throw back at him, but I held it back and got out of my seat, striding towards the exit of the cafeteria, not bothering to look back at the astounded eyes that followed me all the way out.

----

I sighed again, shutting my eyes, wanting everything to go away. I wanted this horrible pain to go away. The pain of not being able to save Allen when he needed it most, the pain of hurting my own friend, and the pain of not being able to cope. A knock came at the door, and I didn't bother saying anything. I knew that it was Gramps standing outside, so he'd come in no matter what I said.

Door creaking open, since it wasn't locked, Gramps walked in, face grim and serious as usual. "Lavi," he said in his rough voice, "you should go apologize to Lenalee."

Looking away stubbornly, I crossed my arms, "why should I?"

The instant those words left my lips, I felt a painful blow to the side of my head, landing on my back, spread-eagled, with Gramps looking over me. "You will apologize to her, and that's final." I didn't say anything. He actually seemed serious with this…Well, he's usually serious…

A sigh. "Lavi," I looked at the old man, "I told you not to get attached. Bookmen need no hearts, and love itself is merely a distraction. We don't need it," he said sternly, but his eyes were somewhat soft and more gentle than usual.

"I know, I know, Gramps," I said irritably, waving my hand offhandedly.

"No, you don't," he swished his robes, arms behind his back. "You've grown attached to Allen Walker, and now you have paid the price for it. You were not strong enough to protect him, is that what you think?"

Those last words hit me like a slap in the face, but I didn't retort. I didn't retaliate. I just sat there with my head hung low, unable to speak. Funnily, that Gramps made my head clear a little bit. Even though most people might've thought that was cruel, this is what I wanted people to say to me. Put the blame on me. If they put it on me, then I wouldn't have to struggle as much.

"Anyway, enough dwelling on the past…" Gramps sighed heavily, "did you know that Allen Walker's funeral is supposed to take place tomorrow?"

"What?!" I stood up abruptly. "T-tomorrow?"

"I believe I said it clearly enough," he said. "Now that you seem to be a bit more sane now, maybe you might reconsider apologizing to Lenalee or not?" And with that being said, Gramps strolled out of my room, shutting the door behind him.

I collapsed on my bed, trying to clear my head. The funeral's tomorrow…Tomorrow…I gritted my teeth together. So they were just accepting Allen's death just like that? …Just like that, huh. My eyelids started to droop, feeling heavy. I'll just take a little nap… I ignored the sore wounds all over me, and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

----

"Ne, ne, Earl," a spiky-haired girl said playfully, sitting improperly in the large, red armchair. Her golden eyes gleamed in the moonlight menacingly. "We're going to get him, aren't we?"

Sipping his tea calmly, in his usual outfit consisting of a top hat and suit, the Earl grinned wider, if that was possible, "Rhode-chan, don't be so hasty! We're going to have to wait for the break of dawn…Then we'll strike."

"How does it work?" Tyki inquired, resting his chin in his hand elegantly, his hair pulled back into a small ponytail. Another man sat beside him, bearing similar features. "Isn't he already-"

"Patience, Tyki," said Sheryl, smiling pleasantly. "Let the Earl speak."

"Thank you, Sheryl," said Earl, "now, tomorrow, we'll get moving. Do not try to fight with the Generals. We are only retrieving something, not destroying. And to answer your question, Tyki-pet…" he turned to Tyki, whose face was slightly annoyed from that stupid nickname that the Earl had always given him, "I can create akuma, do you think this situation is any much different?"

"…No," Tyki had a slightly excited look on his face, "are we allowed to kill anyone?"

"Of course, just don't waste too much time…" Earl said, a sinister look on his face. "We'll need all the time we can get once we lay hands on Allen Walker's corpse."

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**A/N:** IT'S CALLED ACTION, PEOPLE! ACTION!!!! God. Well, I suck at that even more than angst stories, but I decided that....uh. I won't say. That'd be boring of me~

Anyway, here's something I want to ask you people: Do you want this fic to end happily or angsty-like? It's just your opinion...put it in a review, maybe? ^-^ Despite what you peope might say, I'm still going about my original plot, so yeah.........yay me. I'm so mean. That doesn't mean that you don't have to review, though!!! :D

Kanda: You are seriously one desperate little bi-

Me: REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!


	4. Nothing gold can stay

**~Nothing gold can stay~**

**A/N:** Just a little...filler chapter of some sort (that's why it's short). Actually, it's more like a chapter showing how the hell I've come up with this stupid fic in the first place :c Anyway, it's short, so I hope you all aren't that disappointed! D:

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**Chapter four: Nothing gold can stay**

_Nature's first green is gold_

_Her hardest hue to hold_

I stood outside of Lavi's room, hand halfway up to the door, frozen in mid-air. It was trembling, and not only that, I was sweating, too. He…couldn't possibly still be awake at this hour…could he? Swallowing nervously, I knocked on the door lightly, almost half-hoping that Lavi wouldn't answer. _No, I have to do this, _I thought adamantly, _I have to apologize to Lavi…_

There was no sound of movement from inside, and I took a deep breath, pushing the door open; it was unlocked. "…Lavi?" I called softly, feeling around blindly in the darkness. I froze when I heard a soft snore to my right. My hands groped around, and I felt a bed in front of me. Luckily, there was a lamp close to there, so I clicked it on, surprised to see the redhead laying on the bed, asleep.

_Her early leaf's a flower_

_But only so an hour_

A book lay in his hands, still open to the page he had been reading. I watched Lavi's sleeping face for a long time while I sat on the bed silently. His face was completely empty of that look of grief he usually had on it. It was just…serene…even happy, almost. He sighed softly, gripping his pillow tightly. I ran a hand through his bright red hair, "I wonder what you're dreaming about, Lavi." A gentle breeze flipped the pages of the book that Lavi was reading. I reached for it, picking it up from under his hand. There was a poem printed on it.

Trembling again, my tears were about to fall again. "You meant Allen, didn't you?"

Lavi merely stirred on the bed, mumbling something under his breath. I set the book down again, making sure to keep the page open for him, and quickly ran out of the room. I leaned against the wall, feeling suddenly exhausted. Hot tears slid down my cheeks. _I couldn't help Allen that time…It's all my fault… I've hurt Lavi, and now I'm not even strong enough to stop crying. _I wiped the tears from my eyes hastily. _I'm pathetic, aren't I? I'm useless, powerless, weak and--_

"What are you doing here this late at night?" a voice cut through my thoughts. I looked up, surprised to see Kanda standing there with his arms crossed, the usual look of disdain on his face.

_Then leaf subsides to leaf_

_So Eden sank to grief_

I smiled through my tears. It was painful. "Oh, Kanda-kun! Haha, I was just about to go to my room…Good night, anyway!" I turned around, about to leave, until I felt Kanda's hand grip around my arm, keeping me behind.

"Don't joke around, Lenalee," he growled, his eyes narrowed, "was it about Lavi?"

He was right on the mark. "O-of course not!"

"Che," he released my arm, and I turned around to face him. "Even though the truth is painfully obvious, you still try to hide it…Idiot." As Kanda pronounced that last word, I felt his arms wrapping around me. It didn't feel awkward at all, more like I was being protected, comforted.

When the surprise of it wore off, my entire body started to tremble, and the tears came out again. My chest heaved with the effort, and I said through hiccups,, "I-I…couldn't do anything…All I did was sit by and watch everyone get hurt…I'm t-tired of doing that…" I hiccupped again, "L-Lavi's blaming everything on himself…C-can't he see that we're all s-suffering? We all miss Allen…He can't just k-keep the burden all on himself…"

_So dawn goes to day_

_Nothing gold can stay._

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**A/N:** Okay, okay, so it was short!!! SO WHAT. Anyway, this poem is called "Nothing gold can stay", an awesome poem by Robert Frost. I originally found this poem from a book I read called "The Outsiders". Pretty awesome book, too. J This entire fic was inspired by this poem, so you'd better appreciate Robert Frost. :D


	5. Happily never after

**~Nothing gold can stay~**

**A/N:** I suck at everything.

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**Chapter five: Happily never after**

I followed the small, blue-haired girl in front of me, practically frolicking through the field. "Don't be so relaxed," I warned her, resisting the urge to head palm as she turned around and stuck out her tongue at me.

"Just make me," was all she said, and she turned around again to face the large and tall building in front of us. I sighed; she was extremely grumpy right now. As to why, I couldn't even begin to guess. I adverted my attention to the Black Order's building. _It's larger than what Lulubell had described, _I noted. I've never been here myself before, so I was quite keen to find out what this place was like firsthand.

"Okay, Tyki," Rhode said, her childish eyes glinted playfully, "let's go in, 'kay?"

Suppressing a sigh, I took hold of her hand and said, "Fine, fine." A small, tingling feeling spread throughout my body, and I made sure to channel some of that power into Rhode too, so we could both walk through the walls.

"Hey, what if we run into some Exorcist or something?" I asked suddenly, after walking through the building for around a minute.

Giving me a slightly irritated look, Rhode explained, "Well, if we _do_ see any, we'll just kill them," her eyes shined dangerously, "but according to the Earl, we shouldn't run into anyone, since many of them are preparing for the funeral…" she finished her sentence with a huff.

Oh. So that's why she was being so bitchy.

"Allen'll be alive after we're through with this," I said reassuringly.

"Yeah, but it won't be him! It'll be a completely different person," Rhode stomped her Mary-Jane clad foot on the ground, crossing her arms defiantly. I tried not to sigh. Strangely, I've been having a lot of things like that. Then a sigh escaped my lips before I could stop myself. I resisted the urge not to head palm myself, trying to remain quiet.

Rhode, on the other hand, still had a lot to let out. "It's not fair that they get to steal Allen, and that we have to look for that stupid red-haired Exorcist! He likes Allen, you know," she pouted, her lower lip sticking out like a little kid. Then again, she was a little kid. I rolled my eyes, trying to tune her voice out as she continued to rant on about how this whole situation was totally unfair. _You said it, _I thought exasperatedly as I failed to tune her high-pitched voice out of my head.

Honestly, she was seriously going to give me a headache.

Where the hell was red-haired kid's room? I looked up, down, and all around for any signs that would've told me where the room was. The Earl said that the room number was 131...and according to the white sign on the wall to my left, room 131 should be quite close. "Rooms 120-130," Rhode read out loud, as if I couldn't read. "Damn it, why won't it just go up one more room, so we wouldn't have to walk down another fucking hallway--"

I covered her mouth quickly, diving into the nearest closet, which just happened to be right behind me. Rhode's indignant cries were merely muffled as a shadow passed the closet. It was a few moments before that person completely disappeared, and I let Rhode go. She glared, "I could've taken them out, you know…"

"The Earl doesn't want us to create any disturbances," I said in a matter-of-fact tone, causing Rhode to roll her eyes. Yeah, I felt the same way, too. "Therefore we should avoid fights if we can, alright?"

"Fine, fine," she grumbled, opening the closet door, turning at the nearest corner, where room 131 was waiting for us.

---

"Wh…where am I?" I looked around, horror gripping me. Hundreds upon hundreds of coffins laid out all around me; it was just like that time where that Noah girl had trapped me in…the weird dream world thing. The time when Allen had been yelling out my name innumerable times… My lips almost curved up at the thought. I hadn't noticed his feelings at the time. We were just friends, right? At least that's what I'd thought back then.

Of course, this fleeting emotion of happy remembrance practically evaporated when the closest coffin at my feet opened, revealing a too-familiar corpse in it. I took a few steps backwards, and it felt like I'd forgotten to breathe then.

Forget what I said about the corpse. It wasn't a corpse; it was a person. It wasn't dead. "_La…vi…_" the familiar white hair hung over his pale face, and even the eyes were still gray, but it wasn't that same shade. The uniform on him was all tattered and ripped, bloodstains ruining the original blue color. Slowly, the gray eyes filled with bitterness, "_why didn't you help me?_" He was raising his voice now, close to a yell. "_Why, Lavi? Why?"_

I wanted to move…I wanted to run away, but my feet were frozen in the spot, and I was completely entranced by the person walking towards me slowly. "…Allen?" I said in a hoarse whisper, hardly adverting my gaze away from his. "What are you doing…?"

Those white-gloved hands reached for me, and I cringed slightly. "_You're the one who let me die_," Allen said in a deadly whisper. Those words struck a cord, because they were right. I wasn't there for him, even though I should've been. _I let him die, I let him die, I let him die, _the mantra repeated in my head, so loudly that it was almost painful.

_I let him die, I let him die, I let him die, I let him die-- _

The entire scene disappeared before my eyes, but I paid it no attention. Those words continued to ring in the empty darkness, but they disappeared as soon as I sat up on my bed, breaking out in cold sweat, a knife pressed against my throat.

---

"Oh, he's finally awake," sitting beside me, my _beloved _uncle, Tyki, said with a smirk on his lips. I couldn't help but smile a little as well. The purple and pink-striped candle I had in my hand was pressed against that redhead's neck. I wanted to go a bit further, piercing the skin of that bastard… but then the Earl would be mad at me.

Without meaning to, my mouth curled into a scowl. I wanted to kill this guy…Rip his throat out…I wanted to torture him until he couldn't take it anymore and _beg_ me to kill him. His only visible green eye was wide in horror. I smirked, enjoying this quite thoroughly, pressing the blade a bit harder until a drop of crimson blood dribbled down his neck.

"Rhode," Tyki warned, putting a hand on my arm to stop me from completely stabbing ginger. "Don't."

I scoffed, withdrawing the candle, "I wasn't going to."

He still cast me a wary look, but then directed his attention to ginger. "Hey, Lavi, is it?"

Lavi didn't respond. His mouth was hanging slightly open, and I could tell that he was trembling a lot. Even his hands were clutching tightly at the sheets on the bed. "Oi, you deaf, ginger?" I narrowed my eyes at him, wanting nothing more than to butcher him right now.

"Why…why are you two here?" he managed to choke out through his stupor.

"That doesn't matter," said Tyki smoothly, "but just one question…Do you want to bring Allen Walker back to life?"

Lavi now seemed to completely freeze. It even seemed like he had stopped breathing. There was a few moments of silence before I got frustrated and growled at him, "Do you want to bring your friend back to life?"

He swallowed; it was easy to see that he was in turmoil inside. I hoped that he'd suffer a lot. He deserved it. "…I…I don't know…" Of course, Lavi was probably just thinking about the whole akuma process, so he wouldn't want to bring back Allen like that…

"Don't put it that way, Tyki," I scolded my uncle, and he cast a irritated look at me. "It won't be anything like the akuma process… All you need to do is retrieve Allen's Innocence for us, and he'll be back, good as new. You two will be living together, happily ever after."

"Wh-what? Retrieve Allen's Innocence…Why?"

Tyki leaned against the wall casually, "Don't ask questions. Just retrieve Allen Walker's Innocence for us if you want to bring him back to life. Meet us at the front of the Black Order building in three hours if your answer is yes. Let's go, Rhode," he started walking towards the window, opening it.

"Wait, that's it?" I demanded, "no torturing, interrogating…nothing?" I'd really gotten my hopes up that we'd be able to at least spill a bit of Exorcist blood today, but Tyki ignored me and just grabbed me by the collar, jumping out of the window.

"I hate it when you drag me around like that," I frowned as he set me down on the ground gently.

Running a hand through his hair, Tyki's eyes glinted dangerously, "He will be in a state of mental chaos," he smiled, "that's worse than physical torturing, isn't that right, Rhode?"

Casting a look back at the building, I sighed, crossing my arms. "I guess you're right."

"Oh, and Rhode…" Tyki looked at me, "you didn't mean it when you said 'happily ever after', did you?"

I scoffed, "Of course not."

* * *

**A/N: **I suck so much that it's not even funny. R&R, please?

Oh, and please take note of this: the whole plot thing is still "under construction" so I might replace this chapter with an edited version, because I might've changed something regarding as to what the Noah and the Earl are up to and stuff....'kay? :D


	6. Indecisiveness sucks

**~Nothing Gold Can Stay~**

**A/N:** Hey, uh, sorry for the extremely late update (well, if anyone cares that is)... I was busy with other things, such as... Umm... Well, nothing. I just didn't feel like updating this. It was a really--er--_emo_, if you want to put it that way, fic. So, I apologize for anyone that actually cared for updates for this story... n_n;; Anyway, I don't exactly like this chapter much, and yes, it IS short. I'm also quite sorry for that as well. :

I'm also thinking that the style I wrote in doesn't exactly fit the mood as compared with the previous chapters, but I hope it won't affect anything TOO much... ;_; And yes, I did extend the, err, time period for Lavi to decide whether to help the Noahs or not to a week. Because the Earl needs to make more... preparations (coughexcusescough).

* * *

**Chapter Six:** Indecisiveness Sucks

_"Meet with us in front of the Black Order in a week... If you want to bring your friend back to life."_

This was about the millionth time the words had gone through my head, and I was starting to get sick of it, yet I couldn't exactly throw up or anything. Two words to describe my misery: This sucks.

I rolled over on my side, having gotten bored of staring at the ceiling for about an hour, thoughts whirring through my mind, gears shifting. What exactly were those Noahs thinking? How could they possibly revive someone without turning them into an akuma? There was no way in Hell that I would condemn Allen to such a gruesome and tragic fate.

No freakin' way.

Unable to find a comfortable position, I shifted again, now laying on my stomach, head buried in the pillow. Those Noahs are out of their minds, I shut my eyes, trying to get some sleep. I can't trust them and hand over Allen's Innocence...

**---"..."---**

It felt like it'd been only about a few minutes since I last got some sleep before a knock came at my door, startling me awake from my (short) slumber.

"Lavi?" came Lenalee's voice. It was probably just me, but her voice seemed... Dead.

"Yeah?"

There was a short, awkward pause, and then Lenalee cleared her throat, as if reluctant to speak, "Allen's--the funeral is today." Well, at least now I knew why she seemed hesitant. Still, maybe she should've stayed quiet about it, since I tried pretty hard to forget about it. Going to Allen's funeral... It just wasn't right.

"...I'll... Get ready," I said awkwardly, sitting up, my entire body feeling sore. There was no answer on the other end, so I assumed Lenalee left already. I sighed; I never apologized to her, after all.

And then, much to my annoyance, Tyki's offer came up again in my head. I could picture his sneering face down to the smallest detail, not making me feel any better. I buried my face in my hands, thinking--I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

...Whatever. I got up from the bed and walked over towards the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, I splashed some cold water on my face, hoping to clear my currently messed up mind. Well, it sorta did and it also didn't. When I directed my gaze at the mirror, I was almost mortified at what I saw.

There was a person--a young man--standing there, shadows under his dull green eyes. His once bright orange hair seemed to lose its usual luster, and he, in general, seemed... Withered. My still-gloved hand reached out for that person, only to come in contact with cold glass; it was a reflection.

Remember how I felt like throwing up a few hours earlier, but couldn't actually get anything out? Well, now my stomach decided to change its mind. I bent over the sink; it felt like my guts were being hurled out. I wiped my mouth, the vile taste of vomit lingering.

Still feeling dazed, I had to lean against the counter in order to maintain my balance (it was one of those weird feelings when your head felt a lot heavier than your body). Slowly, I staggered out of the room, feeling that things could not get any worse.

Suddenly, almost making me lose balance again, an alarm sounded, its shrill sound hurting my ears. A black golem flew over towards me... I had no idea how much misfortune that its message would bring me.

"Lavi, Allen's body disappeared."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so this kinda (really) sucked... SORRY D: But I had to get this chapter through with... It's sorta like a stepping stone for later chapters... I guess... Well, if I don't epicly fail on the way, I mean. REVIEWS MAKE ME VERY HAPPY. Actually, that's probably an invalid argument, seeing that people probably don't care for my own happiness... So, err, REVIEWS MAKE LAVI HAPPY, BECAUSE MAYBE THEN I'LL UPDATE AND HAVE ALLEN GET REVIVED AND HAVE THEM LIVE HAPPILY AFTER AFTER (not).


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